Yesterday, I talked myself into being ok with this long road. I was able to tear my eyes away from the goal, which seems a world away from where I am, and appreciate this place. Just a little bit. I wouldn’t want to be on this road forever, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is an extensive and uncertain journey.

I’m settling in.

This is a long road.

I’m in this for the long haul. That burst of excitement and energy that propelled me forward at the start of this journey is long gone. The newness has worn off – a little faster than the first time around, understandably. In a way, it’s a familiar feeling. I remember the 2nd time I attempted WeightWatchers. After losing a whole lot of weight the 1st time, then gaining it all back, I worked myself back up and started again. It didn’t last long. I don’t remember how long exactly, but I remember being astonished by how quickly I gave up. Without the shiny glow of novelty, and all the hopes and expectations that go along with it, there was nothing to keep me going. I ran out of fuel, and I was done.

The shininess has worn off of BLE, too. Having a Mastermind group and taking the time to write this blog every day got me started, but they can’t disguise the fact that I’ve been here before. I’m bringing a few more friends and accessories, but it’s the same road.

The funny thing is, that doesn’t seem to matter.

I’m still here. Still moving forward. And I’m not losing any steam. I should be feeling myself slipping. Tiring. I should be holding on with every ounce of strength I have and knowing, deep down, that it’s about to give out. But I’m not.

Now, I’m going to use an analogy here that I have no personal experience with. Because I do not run. Never have, and I doubt I ever will. I do not like running. But I’ve heard, from people who do, that there’s something that happens when you’ve trained for a long run, like a marathon. You settle into a rhythm. Maybe not the crazy competitors who are there to win, or to beat their old records. I’ve heard horrible stories about people pushing themselves to the edge, finishing only in pain and agony. I cringe at those stories, because if it is anything like what I feel like trying to maintain 2 minutes of jogging, then it is a horrible form of self-torture and I do not approve. But for those who are there to have fun, they settle into a pace that they know they can maintain. And then it’s just one foot after the other. Mindless, rhythmic, calming, and almost easy.

Image by skeeze from Pixabay
Bear in mind, this is what I feel like. Not what I look like.

Without having ever experienced that sensation, I think that’s how I feel.

The finish line is out of sight. And for the time being, I’m not thinking about it. It’s just me and this road, getting to know each other. It’s not new, anymore. It’s comfortable.

I know what to eat. I know how to eat. I plan my food for the next day without stress. I follow that plan without second-guessing myself. I write. I fill in my checklist. I smile as I check in on our Facebook group. I look forward to my mastermind meeting. I even step on the scale without trepidation.

This trip isn’t ending any time soon. That’s ok. I’ll get there eventually. Because I can do this. I could do this forever.

Day 18: Settling In
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4 thoughts on “Day 18: Settling In

  • May 10, 2019 at 8:31 pm
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    Carla, I remember Susan saying to those that were just beginning BLE to embrace the beginning because it comes but once. You expressed so well how it feels to begin something new…the energy, the excitement, the hope that this will be all that I anticipate it to be. The challenges are real, but oh so worth it . Staying the course with some off roading can be expected.
    I’m going to explore some of the new information from Everette Considine. It’s worth a look & may provide me with some new tools.
    Healing Fields has certainly given you an opportunity to express your. thoughts & feelings. Getting real must be freeing.
    Again , thank you.?

    Reply
    • May 11, 2019 at 2:19 pm
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      Thanks again, Christine! I want to look more into this IFS stuff too. It makes a lot of sense out of the madness in my head.

      Reply
  • May 11, 2019 at 10:23 am
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    Carla, remember the story SPT told about in the Reboot, Rezoom video? The Food Controller, Indulger & Isolator are like kids in your car with their own personalities and they want to hi-jack your trip. The secret is not to let the kids DRIVE ! We also cannot hog tie them and put them in the trunk of the car. We must keep the kids in the back seat doing things to keep them happy because we are all on the trip together, because these kids are a part of our world.
    When I read about you past cycles of dieting, I heard that the kids moved into the front seat and took over the driving, this time I know you can keep the little buggers in the backseat where they belong 🙂 !!!

    Reply
    • May 11, 2019 at 2:17 pm
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      Thanks for believing in me! I do remember this analogy. It was a good one. Have you seen the new webinar on self-compassion? It goes deeper into this. I found it really helpful.

      Reply

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